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  • Writer's pictureNadine Dandorf

Defaults Reset

"The choice is always yours. You get to decide, every single day, what will make you…so…what’s your default? Because unless you've been intentional about your life and have created the things you want and the habits that will support you in getting it, you're operating and living by default with whatever default programming you picked up throughout your life so far."

– Jennifer Blanchard

I follow author and life coach “guru” Jennifer Blanchard both online and through Facebook groups and guided training. Her inspiration for living life to the fullest and striving for your dreams (like a successful writing career) are undoubtedly motivating but this one reached me more than a daily reminder.

Maybe because I have entered a new phase as a grandmother (Mimi, if you please). With a 2½ plane ride separating my husband and me from our son and his new family, it wasn’t how I thought my life as a grandparent would be but when I lay it all out, I realize that it’s perfect because it’s the way his life is supposed to be lived, not mine.

I’d been intentional raising my children to be independent, to question everything, to either give 110% or don’t bother (someone better suited may want the task). It appeared to happen by daily default, but like a story arch you don’t really see, it was intentional. I raised people, not children and they’ve grown to be my favorite people in the entire world.

My daughter asks what I specifically did to make them well-behaved in public, polite and personable so she can do the same. It’s the best compliment I’ve ever received but I’m sorry to say that I have no idea. Their father and I honestly just winged it but we didn’t do it alone…family and friends helped and the result was two good, hard-working adults. I have no advice to give except to watch and learn what others are doing, find your own answers based on what’s right for you, not by default even if everyone else thinks your choice is weird.

Parenting, like life, is just choices that present themselves and while not each one was correct, in the end the right outbalanced the wrong...even if we did build a crib in the living room and couldn’t get it through the nursery door so that we had to take it apart and rebuild it.

Detect, correct and reset your life as you go and, most important, enjoy the ride.



Thanks so much for sharing a few precious minutes with me. As an active member of the Romance Writers of America, the New Jersey Romance Writers Chapter and the Kiss of Death Chapter, I write contemporary stories of suspense with a touch of romance where hope and heart prove stronger than any weapon and where happily ever after occurs, even if it takes a bloody route to get there.

Strong men and even stronger women are the stars of tales themed around hope and courage after being betrayed by those tasked with keeping the rules. These brave men and women love and laugh and fight to the death like a mother fights for her child, all while trying to balance the professional with the personal. My stories are born on that balance and I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I have had giving voice to them. All of this sets the stage in my debut novel, Contingencies. Let me know what you think and don’t forget to post a review. Stay up-to-date with new releases via my website with its free newsletter and prologue to Contingencies (along with other giveaways) or follow me on Facebook and Twitter.

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